


Curse the sun

by milkywaywide



Series: We saw the stars when they hid from the world [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 17:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18608770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkywaywide/pseuds/milkywaywide
Summary: So much so he looks over at blurry-almost-ethereal Hairu at the other end of the table, so close yet so far away, wondering if people have ever mistaken them for a couple, and the thought that he wishes he could change the way that she feels almost crosses his mind.





	Curse the sun

Ui is squinting at the glass of german beer in front of him.

“Tastes the same as Japanese beer,” says Hairu or maybe himself.

The german beer had been a suggestion from the bartender, probably because they were drunk therefore easily swayed and it cost a lot more money than the non-german beer they’d been drinking. He’s had enough to drink that he can taste the bitter, yeasty, and slightly alcoholic beer, german or otherwise, when he clutches his teeth and his tongue touches the roof of his mouth.

He’s also had enough to drink that he starts disassociating every now and again. So much so he looks over at blurry-almost-ethereal Hairu at the other end of the table, so close yet so far away, wondering if people have ever mistaken them for a couple, and the thought that he wishes he could change the way that she feels almost crosses his mind.

Almost.

Because they work together, she’s his partner and she doesn’t even seem to care all that much for him, not in the way he cares for her, anyway.

But standing with her makes him feel more real and when she’s too drunk he usually takes her home, but tonight, it’s Ui that’s had too much to drink and she’s taking him back to her place because it is within walking distance to the bar where they’d been and they’re nothing if not practical people.

It’s a bright night; the sky so very black against the stars’ stark white. Hairu is skipping, humming a song, content and drunk, so sweet in all her might, beautiful even in the ugly yellow streetlights. Ui feels like he could spend the rest of his days doing this, even if he knows full well his body will betray him in the morning, hangover coming for him like a lion.

He’s getting far too old for this fuckery.

* * *

When they get to her tiny apartment, she tells him to stay over and he agrees, because she convinces him he’s too drunk to catch the train and too nauseated to hitch a cab.

He’s shared a bed with Hairu on a few occasions, a result of her insistence and alcohol induced stupidity, or so he tells himself. She bullies him into doing it today; he only takes his socks and vest off, not wanting to be creepy, and slides beneath her sheets. She’s taken her pants and vest off, wearing nothing but her dress shirt and white, frilly, panties he pretends not to notice, even if the pink tinge going down from his cheeks to his neck and into his collar gives him away.

Her sheets and pillows smell just like her: sweet, almost flowery and herbal, like home and something foreign, just beyond his reach.

He’s slept with his face buried in her pillow every time they’ve done this, wondering what would feel like to bury his nose in her neck, never allowing himself to go beyond that.

He never allows himself to think of what sex with Hairu would be and feel like, despite having dreamt about it a few times. It’s always more like a bad dream than a good one: he wakes up in the middle of it, confused, sweaty, high on adrenaline, with a pounding heart and a boner he cannot control, not being able to get back to sleep afterwards.

He does not masturbate.

He contents with her pillow.

Today, he manages to sleep, if only because alcohol tricks him into it. It’s a dreamless sleep, his body heavy and self-conscious on her mattress, the weight of her presence somewhere in the back of his mind.

* * *

Ui wakes up when the sun starts peeking through the curtains and can barely open his eyes; sharp and expected pain tugging at his brain. He tries getting up but just the thought of moving makes his stomach twist and turn inside his belly.

Hairu walks in then, wrapped in a towel, maybe looking a little green. She doesn’t seem to notice he’s up already and drops her towel on the floor, changing just out of his sight, behind her closet door. Either way, he does not look.

He takes a cold shower, and pukes while he’s at it; it makes him feel better for good five minutes. The bile makes his mouth taste so bitter he can barely down the aspirin Hairu offers. They then have breakfast in silence, in the hopes that getting some protein in their systems will make their bodies stop this torture.

It doesn’t.

Unfortunately, the CCG doesn’t let you take sick-days for being hungover, so they exchange grins of shared suffering and comradery over their paperwork all day long, and Ui realises just how much he enjoys these little moments.

He also realises he’s fine with his unrequited feelings as long as he gets to have her at his side, sharing victories, losses (and hangovers).

* * *

“You’re getting old,” says Hirako matter-of-factly (Ui’s pretty sure Hirako’s incapable of anything but), laying a heavy hand on his shoulder, as if it’s a death sentence, and the fact that he’s been hangover for two days now only seems to confirm it.

Yet, when Hairu comes to his desk and asks him if he’d like to go for a drink after work he agrees without a second thought.

Well, this is what aspirin is for, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Repressed Boy Ui™️ is repressed. This is also a testament to my love of both drinking and Sonic Youth and it’s important to me that you know that. Even if the title’s from a song named Step by Vampire Weekend. Thanks to [Chiie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dekuuu/pseuds/Chiie) for reading this beforehand even if this happened eons ago! And thank you for reading this! <3


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